From a mother to her daughter on her first birthday

Dear Laura,

I can hardly believe you're a year old. It seems like only yesterday that I first held you in my arms, and you looked up at me with eyes that held an understanding beyond your age.

The moments shared between just me and you, kiddo, are some of my most treasured. When you slept peacefully in my arms. When you sit on my lap and take in the world around you. When you learn something new and look to me with pride. When you're playing happily and steal a glance in my direction to make sure I'm still there — then return contentedly to what you were doing. When I walk into the room and your face lights up when you see me. When we cuddle before bedtime. When you say, 'Mum'.

You've learnt and grown so much this past year. Every day you amaze me. Each new milestone you've reached has been proudly documented by your parents. You are fearless — I hope you don't lose that. And what a quick study you are! You want to do everything that we do. You're asserting your independence more and more each day.

I love your developing personality and quirky traits. You're stubborn, like me, and laid-back, like your dad. Yet you are very adaptable. You shriek when you laugh, and screw your face up when you smile. You're perfectly content to amuse yourself, and happy to play with others. You sing along with me and the radio when we're driving in the car, and you sing to yourself when the mood strikes you. You smile as soon as someone points a camera in your direction, because you've learnt what to do when that happens.

What an adventure this first year has been. You've been in airplanes, trains, ferries, subways and even iconic New York City cabs. You've seen snow and swam in the ocean. You've holidayed in Queensland, Victoria, New South Wales, the United States and Canada. You've hiked through forests, walked along beaches, watched fireworks, and observed sea lions and whales in their natural habitats. You've been christened and experienced your first Christmas. You already have a cousin. Your arrival has been celebrated by family and friends all over the world.

Best of all, you've turned your father's and my partnership into a family, and you've filled our home with laughter and happiness. When I watch you and your dad playing together, my heart feels like it will burst. We are both so in love with our little girl, and both so proud of how you're growing up, and the person you're becoming. We couldn't have imagined a more special first year.

Love,
Mum

A working mum: the right choice for me

Laura will celebrate her first birthday in four weeks' time. Which means that in four weeks' time I will be returning to work.

It seems like everybody has an opinion about working mums versus stay-at-home mums. And it seems like lots of mums feel guilty to some extent about their choice. A long time before Laura came along, my mum girlfriends would talk to me about their own dilemma. The main themes were 'If I work, I miss my kids', 'If I don't work, I go stir crazy' and 'I wish I didn't have to work, but I need to bring in an income'.

Recently, I met with my boss to confirm my return to work. Afterwards, I feel excited and exhilarated, but also apprehensive. It is comforting to know that I am still able to talk intelligently about the work I do, and that I'm not fazed about jumping into familiar as well as new processes. My apprehension is about putting Laura into day care. I worry that she's too young to be away from me. I worry that someone else will be playing a part in 'raising' my child, and what the outcome of that may be. I worry that I'll miss some of her milestones, like her first steps. I worry that she'll forget who I am. On the other hand, I have confidence that she'll thrive in its social environment.

Whenever I tell someone that I'm going back to work, I feel I have to justify myself: 'I love spending time with my daughter, and I took this year off so I could fully enjoy her, but I need to use my brain in a different way again'. I find myself explaining my choice to everyone, even other mums (both those who work and those who stay at home), our Baby Clinic nurse (who is a working mum) and my female boss (who is also a mum and who I'm sure is happy to have me back at work). I feel as though by saying I'm going back to work, I'm actually saying I'm not maternal, or I don't love her as much, or I put my needs ahead of hers. All of which couldn't be further from the truth.

Before my husband and I had even decided to start our family, I thought that I'd like to be a stay-at-home mum. I envisioned doing the school drop-off and pick-up, preparing afternoon tea when my children got home from school, and overseeing homework and supervising their outdoor play time before dinner. My mum chose to stay at home to raise my brother, sister and me, and she did these things for us, and so I wanted to do them for my kids. However, when the time came to apply for maternity leave, I knew I wanted to take 12 months.

When I was pregnant, someone told me, 'My wife felt that six months was too soon to go back to work. But by 12 months, she was more than ready.' I've found that this has been my experience. Laura has enriched my family life and added another dimension to my identity, but it's important to me that I make sure my life is still balanced in its other areas. And because I am blessed to have a job that I love, and one in which I am still learning and growing, returning to work is an important part of this balance.

As the spouse who isn't the main breadwinner, I feel an additional element of pressure about the decision to be a working parent versus a stay-at-home parent. For my husband, there really isn't a question about him working full time or not, so he doesn't have to wrestle with making a decision on the matter. For me, though, it is a lifestyle and parenting choice. At what age do I (and hubby) think it's okay for Laura to start day care? And for how many days a week? When do I want to start working again? When do I need to start working again? How important is my career to me?

Despite my fears, I know what is right for me. I'm not second-guessing my choice. It will be hard (I'll miss her little face), and I'm somewhat in denial that it is happening. It helps that I'm completely confident and comfortable about the day care we've chosen. To be the best parent I can be, I need to be the best version of me, and for me that means living a well-rounded life.

Organisation is key for a full and fun day

My days as a mum work best when they involve a series of lists. I'm reminded of one of the scenes in the recent movie I Don't Know How She Does It, where the main character, Kate, is lying in bed after her children and husband have gone to sleep and her to-do list flashes across the screen as she creates it. I watched the movie after Laura was born, so such scenes really struck a chord. On the matter of bringing up your child(ren) and running a household — not to mention throwing outings, holidays and work into the mix — I applaud all mothers who have gone before me.

The other morning, I overheard my husband telling my girlfriend over the phone, 'Yes, I'm sure she'd love to meet you for a coffee. Before 10 am might be a little tricky, though.' Another girlfriend once told me she was glad I suggested 10.30 am for a play date for our children, as had it been any earlier she would have been pushing it to get there on time. In the mornings at our house it's all stations go, go, go, yet I find that even with my husband and I both contributing to the morning routine, we need every minute of the two-and-a-half hours from the time our daughter wakes up to the earliest time I seem able to make it out the door.

Getting out the door in the morning is one thing. Going on a family holiday is another. Our little family recently went away for the weekend. We only stayed away one night, and packed light (a happy result of lessons learnt when we travelled overseas and to Melbourne earlier this year), but it still took me most of Friday to get us packed. My aim when we travel is to take essentials only (for example, hotel towels and face washers are fine for her skin at this age), while minimising the risk of being caught short. A new mum recently tweeted a photo of a porter's trolley overflowing with her family's luggage, and the caption along the lines of 'the stuff you need when you travel with a baby'. I hear her — you have an extra person to think about, for whom it isn't always so easy to apply the attitude 'I'll go without' or 'I'll just pop down to the all-night corner store for the missing supplies'. On our first holiday away at Christmas last year, our car was packed to overflowing, including the basket on our roof racks.

Planning the following day and the upcoming week (not to mention a trip away) is the best way for me to limit potential chaos and ensure Laura and I can get out and about and enjoy ourselves. Otherwise, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'd be forever running around chasing my tail. Or, I'd discover that Laura only has clean summer clothes on a winter's day. Or that we had run out of her prepared meals when we're going to be out all day.

If there's anything I need to make sure I do, it helps to have made a note about it beforehand, as remembering things while we're trying to get out the door on time and while supervising an increasingly mobile baby is a difficult task. Do I need to pack a snack for Laura, or can we buy her something there? Will I need to take a hat, a warm coat? Is the stroller adequate, or do I need to put the pram in the car? How many of her meals do I have left in the freezer? How many more days of warm clothes does she have until I need to do another load of washing? Do we have time to put her down for a nap, or will she need to wait until later in the morning?

Mapping out my day may seem like a bit of an overkill. The way I see it, it's only going to get more hectic as Laura gets older. There'll be her school, after-school activities and weekend sport to fit in our calendar, alongside her parents' social engagements. And I'll be back at work. So I look at this as good practice. Besides, there are other benefits to being organised: it also enables me to fit in quality 'mummy time' while Laura's napping and to regularly catch up with girlfriends. But, I do still have a little way to go, as currently I have no idea how I'll add day care drop-off to our daily morning routine!