Time for mothers' group

I've been slow to seek new friendships with mums who have a bub similar in age to Laura. Soon after we were discharged from hospital, I set up a home visit with a nurse from Community Child Health. She gave me information about local mothers' groups, but I must admit I wasn't too keen to sign myself up. A girlfriend with three kids who are a little older than Laura told me about a local playgroup she used to attend, but still I wasn't enticed. Even talking to my husband's sister-in-law about the mothers' group she takes her three-month-old to didn't convince me.

My reluctance stems from a number of things. First, I'm a shy person, and walking into a group of strangers, introducing myself and making small talk (even if it's about my favourite topic, Laura) would take me outside of my comfort zone. Second, I've been extraordinarily busy since the birth of my daughter, and the thought of adding mothers' group to our weekly schedule makes me exhausted. And third, I find that the questions and concerns I have about Laura are different from those of the new mums I've spoken to. I love hearing other people's stories, no matter how different from mine, but I worry others won't relate to me.

For instance, a recent question of mine was: how much solids does a six-month-old need? Other than during the initial few days when she was getting used to eating these strange new substances, Laura didn't show signs that she was full (clamping her lips shut, turning her head, losing interest). However, she was eating what appeared to be extremely large portions for one so small. Whereas other mums have concerns about how to entice fussy eaters, my concern was whether I was missing her cue that she had eaten enough. Eventually, a childcare nurse gave us an answer that made sense to us: to keep offering her food until she did show signs of being full, and that some babies can eat almost as much as an adult.

I've recently started catching up with a new mum and her little girl who is a couple of weeks younger than Laura. From our first couple of meetings, it appears we have a few things in common. Similar age. First child. Returning to work soon. Bad morning sickness (ah, creates an instant bond). We've both travelled overseas with our little ones. Of course, there are differences, and her experience over these first seven months has been the polar opposite of mine, but I feel that we've clicked. 

What I like the most about this new friendship is how our little ones interact with each other. Because they are a similar age they are in a similar place developmentally, and can each "hold their own", for want of a better way of explaining it. During our last visit, they were both facing each other, Laura on her tummy, her new friend sitting up, and they took it in turns to reach out and touch the other's face. Cute, yes. But also interesting, when you think about it. Laura has play dates with children who are much older and much younger than her, but these seem a little one-sided at her age (she's either more interested or not interesting enough, depending on whether her companion is younger or older). Don't misunderstand me, though — the age difference will become negligible soon enough, and I think it's fantastic that Laura has friends of all different ages.

It's seeing Laura making friends with children her age that has made me reconsider my misgivings about how I'll fit into a mothers' group. Joining a group won't so much be for me as for her. Now that she's getting to the age where she can and wants to interact with children, I'd like to give her that opportunity. She tags along on my coffee dates with my girlfriends, sitting happily in her pram or high chair, sometimes for a couple of hours, but I'm thinking that will likely soon become boring for her. And although she'll be starting daycare soon, that's still five months away. So on that note, I'm seriously considering taking up a recent offer to join a mothers' group. I guess what it comes down to is that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for my daughter. 

I don't want to miss a thing

I was recently reminded to take a step back from life's craziness, and just enjoy my time with my daughter. Laura is now a little over seven months of age, so this first year is flying by more quickly than I'd like to admit. Our little family has been so busy lately that I've neglected to truly see how Laura has been learning and growing.

For instance, she now does this cute commando-style belly crawl, and each day she's getting a little more coordinated. This morning, she lifted herself up on her hands and knees for the first time, one step closer to crawling. It happened in a second, and was over the next, and if I hadn't been sitting with her I would have missed it. I really hope that I witness the first time she crawls, and don't just look down to find her beside me, when I left her on her play mat on the other side of the room.

Someone said a baby's brain changes so rapidly that even a week makes a world of difference. How true. Laura used to hate tummy time. She'd last for mere seconds, even though she was strong in other areas — neck muscles, leg muscles. Then almost overnight she rolled from her back onto her tummy, and there's been no stopping her since. Similarly, she's starting to get the hang of sitting. She can now sit comfortably in a highchair; a few weeks ago she'd slip to one side, stick out her arm, and recline there. Just this past week, I've noticed she can sit unaided for a few seconds longer than she used to (not quite sure when that changed). I can see how it would be possible to miss the onset of each new milestone, they happen so quickly.

Her personality is also developing, which I love to see. Some days she'll quietly but intently watch when someone interacts with her; other days she'll smile and babble away at them. She's begun to notice other babies and children — her face lights up when she sees them, she turns to watch them or rolls/belly crawls over to join them, and she 'talks' to them. She knows they're the same as her. She has the most infectious laugh (akin to a shriek), which she treats us to when we play peek-a-boo. As I'm writing this, she's singing happily to herself in her cot. And she's so curious — her head bobs right to left, left to right as she takes in the world around her.

Best of all, she rains affection on her parents. She's started to really hug me, like put her arms around my neck and bury her face in my shoulder. The other night when her dad came home from work, he was talking on his mobile out the front of our house. She heard him, turned to look at the door, and gave him the biggest smile as soon as he walked through it. It's such moments that make you feel truly blessed.

I know that because I see Laura every day, some of the changes she goes through don't appear as noticeable to me as to someone who hasn't seen her for a couple of weeks. She's becoming a little person now, with her own characteristics. When I think back to what she was like seven short months ago, it highlights just how much she's grown and learnt. However, it also highlights just how much she's grown and learnt, and how quickly it all changes. Many people have told me how fast the first year flies by, and to make sure I enjoy every moment of it, because she won't be a baby for long. Boy are they right!

Travelling with a baby

My biggest confidence boost to date as a new mum has been experiencing an overseas family work holiday with our five-and-a-half-month-old daughter. After successfully navigating two 14-hour long-haul flights, four shorter 'internal' flights in the space of two weeks, one six-hour road trip, three time zone changes, five different cots and hotel rooms, and a full sightseeing and social itinerary, I know my daughter can adjust to anything her parents may throw at her.

When my husband announced he was going to the United States and Canada for work, there was never a question that Laura and I wouldn't go with him. Yes, we were both nervous about how we would manage with a baby we are still getting to know, but we also knew this was the best time to embark on such an adventure. At this age, she's very alert, she's not yet mobile, and at the time she hadn't started on solid foods. Oh, and she's still not too loud!

Not one to be unprepared, I did as much research as possible before we flew out. The top tips I was given from friends, family and our lovely Baby Clinic nurse were:

1. Feed your baby during take-off and especially landing to keep her ears unblocked when the cabin pressure changes.
2. Try to book accommodation that has a separate bedroom with a door that closes, so your baby isn't taking her naps in the main living area.
3. Use a stroller that folds up to the size of a stick. If your baby falls asleep in it at the airport, you can wheel her right up to the door of the airplane, and check the stroller at the door.
4. Give children's Panadol an hour before take-off and landing if your baby is affected by the change in cabin pressure.
5. Fashion a muslin wrap or similar as a tent over the bassinet on the airplane to block out the overhead lights that are turned on during food service and the activity of the flight attendants and other passengers.

We used four of these five tips to one degree or another (we didn't need the children's Panadol), and I recommend them to fellow new mums who are thinking of jetsetting somewhere. However, having now travelled with a young baby, my top tips are:

1. Be flexible.
2. Maintain a healthy sense of humour.
3. Do not follow a long-haul flight with a five-hour cross-country flight. Spend at least a couple of nights and days in the city you land in before hopping back on an airplane.

When travelling without a baby, you take the good with some bad. When travelling with a baby, you do the same. My husband and I soon learnt to remind ourselves: 'An adult wouldn't find this enjoyable; our baby's displeasure is understandable. It's just that being adults we can't cry and carry on, whereas she can let her true feelings be known loud and clear.' While faultless on the long-haul flights where she had a bassinet to sleep in, Laura was not so amused on the shorter flights where she had to sit on her parents' lap. Fair enough. I don't enjoy being nose-to-back-of-seat-in-front for five hours, and my husband is unable to fall asleep in an upright position. Just as we were out of sorts when we were jet-lagged, so was Laura. It took her a few nights to fully adjust to each new time zone. And after waiting to clear customs in the longest line I've ever waited in, I can empathise with my daughter for being grizzly.

Flexibility quickly became our motto. Whereas I was a stickler for routine at home (it is a good way for me to understand and anticipate her wants and moods), the only routine we wanted Laura to keep while we were on holiday was to sleep through the night. If we wanted to go out for a late dinner, we did. Laura either slept in her bassinet or sat up on our laps and enjoyed the festivities. If we wanted to spend the entire day out sightseeing without returning to the hotel for her naps, we did. Laura simply fell asleep in her baby carrier when she was tired. Laura also 'told' us what she wanted, and so we adapted what we had been planning to do. For instance, she communicated loudly and clearly that she wasn't affected by the change in airplane cabin pressure, and that she didn't want to wait until take-off to be fed, or feed again so soon during landing. After a bit of worry and confusion on our part, what worked best for Laura was to sit on our lap and occasionally chew on a toy while we landed.

But don't misunderstand me; I am not a go-where-the-wind-takes-you kind of traveller, and I wouldn't attempt that with a baby. Before we left we thought long and hard about how to make the trip as easy as possible on all of us. We thought about every contingency, and then planned how to be best prepared for them all. From deciding to take Laura's bag as carry-on luggage so we had everything at our disposal on the flights, deciding to carry her around in the baby carrier so she was closer to us while in crowds and we could easily negotiate public transport, deciding which of her toys to take so she had familiar things but we weren't lugging around her entire toy box, getting her used to the shower rather than the bath so that we had options, deciding to drive instead of fly from San Francisco to Los Angeles as we already knew she travelled well in the car, to deciding to splurge on a one-bedroom suite and stay at least two nights in Los Angeles before flying back home so she was as settled as possible before the long-haul flight. This planning definitely helped things run smoothly, and enabled us to focus on and enjoy being tourists.

Looking back on our holiday, I would do it again without any hesitation. I don't feel that we missed out on any experiences because we were travelling with a baby, and the attention we received from strangers and friends because of Laura was touching and in fact enriched our experiences. Although she was too young to remember this trip, her experience was also a good one — she was happy and content. And for me, as a new mum there's nothing more empowering than exploring strange cities on your own with your little one, and both of you enjoying it.