I don't want to miss a thing

I was recently reminded to take a step back from life's craziness, and just enjoy my time with my daughter. Laura is now a little over seven months of age, so this first year is flying by more quickly than I'd like to admit. Our little family has been so busy lately that I've neglected to truly see how Laura has been learning and growing.

For instance, she now does this cute commando-style belly crawl, and each day she's getting a little more coordinated. This morning, she lifted herself up on her hands and knees for the first time, one step closer to crawling. It happened in a second, and was over the next, and if I hadn't been sitting with her I would have missed it. I really hope that I witness the first time she crawls, and don't just look down to find her beside me, when I left her on her play mat on the other side of the room.

Someone said a baby's brain changes so rapidly that even a week makes a world of difference. How true. Laura used to hate tummy time. She'd last for mere seconds, even though she was strong in other areas — neck muscles, leg muscles. Then almost overnight she rolled from her back onto her tummy, and there's been no stopping her since. Similarly, she's starting to get the hang of sitting. She can now sit comfortably in a highchair; a few weeks ago she'd slip to one side, stick out her arm, and recline there. Just this past week, I've noticed she can sit unaided for a few seconds longer than she used to (not quite sure when that changed). I can see how it would be possible to miss the onset of each new milestone, they happen so quickly.

Her personality is also developing, which I love to see. Some days she'll quietly but intently watch when someone interacts with her; other days she'll smile and babble away at them. She's begun to notice other babies and children — her face lights up when she sees them, she turns to watch them or rolls/belly crawls over to join them, and she 'talks' to them. She knows they're the same as her. She has the most infectious laugh (akin to a shriek), which she treats us to when we play peek-a-boo. As I'm writing this, she's singing happily to herself in her cot. And she's so curious — her head bobs right to left, left to right as she takes in the world around her.

Best of all, she rains affection on her parents. She's started to really hug me, like put her arms around my neck and bury her face in my shoulder. The other night when her dad came home from work, he was talking on his mobile out the front of our house. She heard him, turned to look at the door, and gave him the biggest smile as soon as he walked through it. It's such moments that make you feel truly blessed.

I know that because I see Laura every day, some of the changes she goes through don't appear as noticeable to me as to someone who hasn't seen her for a couple of weeks. She's becoming a little person now, with her own characteristics. When I think back to what she was like seven short months ago, it highlights just how much she's grown and learnt. However, it also highlights just how much she's grown and learnt, and how quickly it all changes. Many people have told me how fast the first year flies by, and to make sure I enjoy every moment of it, because she won't be a baby for long. Boy are they right!

Travelling with a baby

My biggest confidence boost to date as a new mum has been experiencing an overseas family work holiday with our five-and-a-half-month-old daughter. After successfully navigating two 14-hour long-haul flights, four shorter 'internal' flights in the space of two weeks, one six-hour road trip, three time zone changes, five different cots and hotel rooms, and a full sightseeing and social itinerary, I know my daughter can adjust to anything her parents may throw at her.

When my husband announced he was going to the United States and Canada for work, there was never a question that Laura and I wouldn't go with him. Yes, we were both nervous about how we would manage with a baby we are still getting to know, but we also knew this was the best time to embark on such an adventure. At this age, she's very alert, she's not yet mobile, and at the time she hadn't started on solid foods. Oh, and she's still not too loud!

Not one to be unprepared, I did as much research as possible before we flew out. The top tips I was given from friends, family and our lovely Baby Clinic nurse were:

1. Feed your baby during take-off and especially landing to keep her ears unblocked when the cabin pressure changes.
2. Try to book accommodation that has a separate bedroom with a door that closes, so your baby isn't taking her naps in the main living area.
3. Use a stroller that folds up to the size of a stick. If your baby falls asleep in it at the airport, you can wheel her right up to the door of the airplane, and check the stroller at the door.
4. Give children's Panadol an hour before take-off and landing if your baby is affected by the change in cabin pressure.
5. Fashion a muslin wrap or similar as a tent over the bassinet on the airplane to block out the overhead lights that are turned on during food service and the activity of the flight attendants and other passengers.

We used four of these five tips to one degree or another (we didn't need the children's Panadol), and I recommend them to fellow new mums who are thinking of jetsetting somewhere. However, having now travelled with a young baby, my top tips are:

1. Be flexible.
2. Maintain a healthy sense of humour.
3. Do not follow a long-haul flight with a five-hour cross-country flight. Spend at least a couple of nights and days in the city you land in before hopping back on an airplane.

When travelling without a baby, you take the good with some bad. When travelling with a baby, you do the same. My husband and I soon learnt to remind ourselves: 'An adult wouldn't find this enjoyable; our baby's displeasure is understandable. It's just that being adults we can't cry and carry on, whereas she can let her true feelings be known loud and clear.' While faultless on the long-haul flights where she had a bassinet to sleep in, Laura was not so amused on the shorter flights where she had to sit on her parents' lap. Fair enough. I don't enjoy being nose-to-back-of-seat-in-front for five hours, and my husband is unable to fall asleep in an upright position. Just as we were out of sorts when we were jet-lagged, so was Laura. It took her a few nights to fully adjust to each new time zone. And after waiting to clear customs in the longest line I've ever waited in, I can empathise with my daughter for being grizzly.

Flexibility quickly became our motto. Whereas I was a stickler for routine at home (it is a good way for me to understand and anticipate her wants and moods), the only routine we wanted Laura to keep while we were on holiday was to sleep through the night. If we wanted to go out for a late dinner, we did. Laura either slept in her bassinet or sat up on our laps and enjoyed the festivities. If we wanted to spend the entire day out sightseeing without returning to the hotel for her naps, we did. Laura simply fell asleep in her baby carrier when she was tired. Laura also 'told' us what she wanted, and so we adapted what we had been planning to do. For instance, she communicated loudly and clearly that she wasn't affected by the change in airplane cabin pressure, and that she didn't want to wait until take-off to be fed, or feed again so soon during landing. After a bit of worry and confusion on our part, what worked best for Laura was to sit on our lap and occasionally chew on a toy while we landed.

But don't misunderstand me; I am not a go-where-the-wind-takes-you kind of traveller, and I wouldn't attempt that with a baby. Before we left we thought long and hard about how to make the trip as easy as possible on all of us. We thought about every contingency, and then planned how to be best prepared for them all. From deciding to take Laura's bag as carry-on luggage so we had everything at our disposal on the flights, deciding to carry her around in the baby carrier so she was closer to us while in crowds and we could easily negotiate public transport, deciding which of her toys to take so she had familiar things but we weren't lugging around her entire toy box, getting her used to the shower rather than the bath so that we had options, deciding to drive instead of fly from San Francisco to Los Angeles as we already knew she travelled well in the car, to deciding to splurge on a one-bedroom suite and stay at least two nights in Los Angeles before flying back home so she was as settled as possible before the long-haul flight. This planning definitely helped things run smoothly, and enabled us to focus on and enjoy being tourists.

Looking back on our holiday, I would do it again without any hesitation. I don't feel that we missed out on any experiences because we were travelling with a baby, and the attention we received from strangers and friends because of Laura was touching and in fact enriched our experiences. Although she was too young to remember this trip, her experience was also a good one — she was happy and content. And for me, as a new mum there's nothing more empowering than exploring strange cities on your own with your little one, and both of you enjoying it.

'You're doing a great job'

I want to be a self-actualised person, more concerned with personal growth and less concerned with the opinions of others. Alas, particularly when it comes to motherhood, I haven’t reached the top of Maslow’s pyramid; instead, I’ve found myself craving validation that I’m a good mum.

It’s amazing what effect the words ‘you’re doing a great job’ have on me now that I’m a mum. Each time I hear them, I get a lump in my throat, I fight back tears and my heart soars. And I feel an overly personal connection to the stranger who’s bestowed them upon me.

Ask any new mum and I bet at one time or another she’s felt on display. I’m sure we’re not actually on display, but I think there are a number of reasons why we feel like we are. Babies are magnets — it’s a rare outing where Laura and I aren’t stopped by a stranger who smiles at her, plays with her or comments on her cuteness. My little one is the first grandchild in both my family and my husband’s, so news of her latest adventure is proudly relayed among relatives and friends. I recall attending a friend’s twenty-first birthday party many years ago. My friend and his fiancée had just had a baby, and this was the first time many of us had met their daughter. Someone noted that it must be difficult for his fiancée, with every guest at the party watching her to see how she’s coping. Even back then I remember my heart going out to her, and now that I have a baby of my own, the sentiment has a whole new meaning for me.

Four and a half months in and I still feel it’s a reflection of my parenting skills when Laura doesn’t fuss or cry for an entire outing. I schedule our activities around her feed and sleep routine, so when I leave the house I know I have a well-fed and well-rested baby in tow. Or I schedule her feed and sleep routine to work in with an outing, which means a whole day of planning if we’re going out in the evening. And I try to have ‘escape routes’ planned in case something goes amiss. It’s for this reason that I avoided doing the groceries by myself until she was eight weeks old. I felt I would be trapped if she started crying inconsolably while in the supermarket. What were my options? Try to complete the task and hope the other shoppers didn’t mind hearing a baby cry? Or abandon a half-filled trolley and run?

Despite setting things up for the best possible outcome, sometimes it all goes south. When Laura was three months old, we went out to dinner with friends. It had been one of those afternoons where she just would not go to sleep, even though we tried every trick in the book. This meant she was beyond overtired when we got to the restaurant, and you fellow parents will know what this means. I was sure I wasn’t imagining those disapproving looks from other diners. I remember wanting to apologise to our friends and make a hasty getaway. Then, while I was cuddling her on the footpath outside, a little old man who had finished his dinner and was leaving came up to us, put his hand on my arm and said, ‘She is such a good baby.’ I think I did cry a little that time.

I will admit that my fondness for Laura’s Baby Clinic nurse is not because she is a caring, knowledgeable professional who also asks about my health and wellbeing (although she is and does all these things), but because she is full of praise: ‘You’re doing a wonderful job with her’, ‘I’m so happy with her development’, ‘I can’t believe she’s doing that already’. She has a way of reassuring me that I’m on the right track, providing guidance and building my confidence in my abilities as a parent.

At the end of the day, I do know that I'm a good mum, regardless of whether someone else confirms this for me. I also know that a crying baby does not equal failure as a parent. My mother tells me: at four months of age my daughter was sleeping for 11 hours at night because she’s happy and her needs are being met (I like to think this is true and that it's not just due to luck). Laura herself verifies this every time her face lights up when she sees me.

Still, every so often it's nice to hear that you're doing a good job. So next time you're talking to a new mum, don't forget to send a little praise her way. You may make her day.